Dear Brent -I just moved to Memphis form up north and I love it here but I couldn’t help but notice that there seems to be a church and a drugstore on every corner. Why is that?
-Mystified
Dear Mystified -That little bit of urban planning comes courtesy of the Inter-Faith Halitosis Act which states that for public hygiene purposes, a full selection of gum and mints must be sold within a one-hundred yard radius of every house of worship in the greater Memphis area.
The major drug store chains have taken full advantage of this ordinance over the years and now provide energy drinks, nicotine patches, an even chloroform to serve the needs of today’s worshipers.
If you have questions about Memphis burning into your psyche, please address them to: askbrent@memphisconnect.com
Maybe God is trying to tell us to stop going to the drug store for what ails us and take a hop, skip, an a jump to church…
This does present a common problem when it is time for communion, though. The plate comes to you (or you walk up) and you remember “WAIT! What do I do with my gum?” To swallow or discreetly dispose of before the congregation notices? It is a tough decision.
Debbie – But is church covered under your HMO?
Lindsey – I say everyone gets issued a straw upon entry so they can dispose of all gum and mints in the time-honored “spitball” tradition.